DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE A MOVIE SNOB
It's no secret that people hate Grown Ups 2 and they have come to loathe Adam sandler. And you know what, I'm a pretty big movie snob, but I can appreciate a movie for what it is...and this was one of those movies.
Yes, the opening scene with the deer was lame. It was stupid and unfunny. They definitely could've come up with something funnier than a random deer that added nothing to the movie. So yeah, I hated the first 10 minutes.
So the basic premise of this movie (which had no purpose/no reason to be made) is that the 4 friends from the first movie (Sandler, James, Rock, Spade - notably missing Schneider) are throwing a party at Sandler's house and they run into a few obstacles, including making enemies with the local frat stars.
Sandler's kids return from the first movie (the girl is still crazy annoying), Chris Rock's kids have grown (again, suffering from annoying daughter syndrome), David Spade just found out he HAD a kid (which was actually pretty funny), and Kevin James' kid is literally dumber than a rock (but turned out to be a prodigy).
They follow along the formulaic plot the story calls for, Shaq shows up (which was awesome), the Happy Madison guys randomly appear, and there were some great cameos (SNL cast, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Jimmy Tatro). Then the 4 guys have a run in with the local frat, who think they are getting out of the crummy town they go to school in, which was actually a funny observation.
People will hate this movie, and that is understandable. Adam Sandler has given up. His movies are all the same, he never steps out of his comfort zone (his one exception - Reign Over Me. FANTASTIC movie), and he can no longer carry a movie. So what was there to like about this movie? Acceptance. You have to accept that this is what you're going to get. I didn't die laughing at anything, but I did laugh consistently.
Want to know the most surprising thing about this movie? Taylor Lautner stole the show. He was the best character. Jacob from Twilight managed to be the funniest person in a movie full of comedy legends. And I was completely okay with that. I used to want to slap this guy into a volcano, but he's actually kind of tight now.
There were also a few gags I didn't understand (like the black family saying WHAAAAAT) and I could have definitely lived without the daughters in this movie annoying me to no end. Also, Jon Lovitz still isn't funny.
So the final verdict, I liked it. I thought it was funny. Could it have been better? Yes. But this is the Adam Sandler we have now. He's older, he doesn't care, he makes the same movie, and he'll always play the same character. Has a star ever fallen off quite like Sandler has before? This movie is saved by the supporting cast. If this movie was centered around Adam Sandler...then I would've hated this movie.
Movie snobs, enjoy this for what it is. I didn't expect Oscar winning performances or life changing experiences. I expected a lame comedy that left me mindless for 2 hours. And I wasn't disappointed.
Welcome to the new blog, 100 Black Dolphins. Don't ask me where I got the name. But as my first post, I wanted to review Jay-Z's new album, Magna Carta Holy Grail. Now, Jay-Z hasn't had the strongest collection of albums since releasing The Black Album (Blueprint 3 wasn't bad, but it wasn't Jay-Z quality), but the world has high hopes for this album, which was announced via the NBA Finals.
So far, RocNation is 0.5/2 on albums released this year. You can argue Born Sinner and Yeezus being great all you want, but those albums are really just average, masqueraded as being great (hence the 0.5 rating). But Jay-Z's album looked to break the mold and win 2013, a year that hasn't been all that great for rap music, with the exception of Run The Jewels, ASAP Rocky, and Tyler The Creator.
So was his album dope, or was it nope? Is this the album that Jay finally beats Kanye at the Grammys with? Is it worth the buy? Well, let's review it track by track and see.
Without further adieu, I present:
The Magna Carta Holy Grail Review
1. Holy Grail (Feat. Justin Timberlake)
The album begins with Justin Timberlake singing his poor little heart out. This is definitely more of 20/20 Justin and not FutureSex/LoveSounds Justin. So about like 1:20 into the song, he finally passes the torch to Jay...then BAM! We go from Blue Ocean Floor piano chords to a heavy hitting beat. Son, Jay starts to snap, talking about how he loves the fame but he's seen it ruin lives. Then he drops a Kurt Cobain reference that didn't make sense, and uses the Smells Like Teen Spirit sample the world went bonkers over...in case you're wondering, it lasted about 3 seconds.
2. Picasso Baby
You'll recognize this track being played on the Magna Carta commercial. And honestly it's just an "ehhhhhh" track. Like it isn't terrible or nothing, but I'm not gonna punch one of my friends if they changed this song in the whip. It's like, just a song that's there. He drops a lot of art references (I'm just gonna assume he googled "Most Popular Artists")...also, WHAT IS WITH RAPPERS USING BASQUIAT REFERENCES!?
Then the beat switches up into a 99 Problems pt. 2 kind of beat. It was pretty cool, a whole lot better than the rest of the song. Like, the last verse is what this song should've been like. I don't care about BASQUIAT, Picasso, or Da Vinci; I just wanna hear about rappers killing people, metaphorically stealing my girl, telling me I'll never amount to anything, and doing drugs. I don't need to be educated.
3. Tom Ford
*sigh*, another one of those "pop it for me" songs. This sounds like a leftover track from Watch The Throne. It's not terrible, but it's not great. He talks about the rich life, girls, and Tom Ford. This song doesn't really bring anything to the table that we haven't heard 298140294 times. If you wanna hear about how well Jay is doing, this is the song for you!
4. F*ckwithmeyouknowigotit (Feat. Rick RAWSE)
FINALLY. Son this beat is MURDER. Sounds like something out of that Bruce Lee biopic from the 90s when he's working out with nun-chucks and beating up random Asians who keep tearing his shirt off and giving him scratches while he casually stomps they face in and everybody is just like "THAT WAS TIGHT" and the cops are nowhere to be found and then he has nightmares about some Asian warlords who dress like Genghis Khan who are always tryna kill him. So yeah, this song is super tight.
5. Oceans (Feat. Frank Ocean)
ANOTHER BASQUIAT REFERENCE. Frank Ocean is singing his heart out like he's a waterbuuuuuuug *Boobie Miles voice* with something to prove. Jay then starts rapping about...wait, I have no idea what he's rapping about. Has there ever been a worse faux-intelligent rapper than Jay? I know he's a smart guy, but he's trying to sound like he's Lupe/Nas (who are also fake intelligent!). This song is okay, it's not safe from the skip button though. No sir.
6. F.U.T.W.
Oh maaaan, this beat is pretty dirty. Jay is a lot better when he's boasting about his skills (not his wealth) and he kiiiinda kills it on this. Rap is about the flow more than the lyrics, and he finds a pretty sweet balance between the two. I like this track, it's pretty dope, definitely making the cut for a spot on my iPod. Also, he had the sickest line of the album on this track:
"America trying to emasculate the greats/Murder Malcolm/Gave Cassius the shakes"
7. Somewhereinamerica
Wheeeeeeeeeew. Jay is back on his Great Gatsby sh*t. This song, along with $100 Bills, are his two strongest songs this year. The beat is tight, the lyrics and flow are pretty solid, but did he HAVE to drop a Miley reference? Whyyyyyyyy Jay whyyyyyyyyyyy? He's inflated Miley's ego even further, something NOBODY wants to happen. Ugh :(
8. Crown
This is that song produced by that 16 year old from Canada...and he killed it. I loved the Solid As A Rock sample (Ja Rule used it a few years ago as a diss to 50 Cent). This is probably my favorite Jay-Z flow on the album, I like when he keeps it continuously going through a verse as opposed to pausing between his sentences (that always drove me crazy). Travis Scott did his thing on the chorus, but again, that 16 year old producer stole the show on this track.
9. Heaven (Feat Justin Timberlake)
I could do without the JT chorus, but Jay killed the verses. I'm so glad he finally killed all the Illuminati noise (seriously, how low do your standards of belief have to be to believe something like that). Now, do I agree with all the God bashing in the song, not really, but it doesn't make the song bad. If you're down with God, this song is a little weird, but if you're secular or whatever then you oughta be getting hype right now. Personally, I think it's a dope song, but it doesn't mean I agree with it all.
10. Versus
It took me longer to write this sentence than it did to listen to this whole song.
11. Part II (On The Fun) (Feat. Beyonce)
I hate everything about this song. Jay and Bey need to stop doing songs together, they haven't made a quality track together since '03 Bonnie and Clyde. Skiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip.
12. Beach
My copy didn't come with this track...oops.
13. BBC (Feat Nas)
SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP.
14. Jay-Z Blue
The video about the song is better than the song, but JAY-Z BLUE is still pretty tight. I loved the Mommie Dearest sample. I also loved the Biggie Smalls back vocals. This is probably the strongest song on the album. It isn't the BEST song, but it's the strongest. Also, apparently Jay-Z Blue is a real color? Son...
15. La Familia
LIL WAYNE DISS! Jay-Z finally responds to Weezy's weak ass It's Good track (the track that Drake flexed his baby muscles on). The beat was tough, Jay sounded pretty pissed, and he was dissing a high profile rapper. This is when Jay is at his best (See: Takeover). Mad Jay = Good Jay.
16. Nickels and Dimes
This album should've probably ended with La Familia, but I'm not mad at this track. It's nice to see Jay rap about the streets. He's been doing a lot of style over substance lately, but this was a nice reminder of what Jay COULD be. He is hip hop, don't forget that, and this song is the perfect example of what made Jay-Z who he is. Now that I think about it, I wish every track on the album was like this. It shouldn't of been a closing tack (should've been La Familia), but this is a solid song, no doubt.
So we made it through the album. Overall, it wasn't terrible, but it didn't exactly live up to the hype. This was more of a Watch The Throne type album, but it was still pretty decent. It isn't one of Jay's best album, but it is a lot better than his recent efforts on the mic. Music appeals to everyone differently and these were just my opinions while listening to it, but this album was slightly above mediocre at best. It's certainly better than Born Sinner and that trash called Yeezus.
Speaking of Yeezus, anyone else notice Kanye missing from the album. It's weird that Jay would have JT (who maybe or maybe not dissed Ye on SNL) over Kanye. I'm probably over analyzing, but still.
